The Flying Owl and a bit of NaNoJouMo!

The month of November is National NonStop Journaling Month.  It's a spinoff that was inspired by National NonStop Writing Month, where writers attempt to write 1,667 words everyday in attempt to finish a 50,000 word novel in an entire month.  If you ask me, NaNoJouMo is MUCH less intimidating than NaNoWriMo, because your journal can be ANYTHING you want it to be.  It can be an: art journal, a dream journal, a goal journal, a gratitude journal,  a one-sentence journal...the list goes on.  You don't even need to do a complete journal entry every-day (except for maybe the one-sentence journal).  For instance, if you choose to do an art journal, the idea is to get something on the paper EVERYDAY, even if it is just one single line, doodle, background, etc. each day, or if you are doing some kind of writing journal to get some words on the paper everyday even if it is only one sentence, stanza of a poem, quote, recipe, verse of a song, etc.

Journaling is a well-known healing art, and it has so many benefits including stress reduction, self-awareness, escape, enhancing creativity, healing, personal growth, or archiving life.  Additionally,  it's a great activity for any age child or adult. 

The project I have chosen to undertake this month is art journaling, and for inspiration, I am following daily inspirational prompts provided by Dawn Sokol at D'Blogala.  Today's prompt was Take Flight, which could be interpreted literally or loosely.  As I was thinking about what I wanted to do, I was imagining doing something with the word metamorphosis.  When I think about taking flight I think about a new beginning, or change, and metamorphosis is certainly a change.  I had the magazines, adhesive, glaze and micron pens, and the spray bottle (one of my favorite art tools) ready to go.  As soon as my daughter went to bed, I was going to get my art on!  YAHOO!

Well...as we all know too well, life does not always go as we plan.  As I was giving my "under-the-weather" daughter a nebulizer treatment this evening, she asked if I would make her a get well picture after she went to bed, and given her strong spirit, she had some VERY SPECIFIC REQUIREMENTS:  she wanted rainbows, peace signs, and a cartoon owl.  Because she was feeling so horrible today with her asthmatic croup, I couldn't say no.  The following is my best attempt at meeting those requirements, and I just know it will make her day tomorrow morning when she sees it.

I must admit I don't know much about owls, except that they perch in trees and are nocturnal animals.  I honestly didn't know whether or not they flew, so I had to Google that.  As it turns out, OWLS DO TAKE FLIGHT.  

I just LOVE IT when life comes full circle!

Fancy Feathers, an Empty Storefront, and a Moment of Parental Clarity!

Hair feathers are all the rage right now.  My daughter who is five had been begging me for one for the last couple of weeks, especially since her little girlfriends have started to get them.  Thank goodness that started AFTER school picture day.   Anyway,  last Friday when she had the day off of school for Teacher Records Day, I decided to let her get one.   She was soooooooooo excited!  It's all she talked about for two days.  "Mom, mom, when am I going to get my feather, again?", she'd say...like every 10 minutes.

I did my due diligence as a parent and checked the website of a local salon to make sure they had them, how much they cost, how long they stayed in, and if we needed an appointment.  Sure enough, they had them, they were ten dollars, they stayed in "a long time" and they took walk-ins.   Yeah!

So off we drove to the salon and when we pulled up we were faced with an empty storefront.  Yep, out of business.  No sign, no furniture inside....just a completely empty building.  I thought....hmmm...sure would be nice if  they would update their website.  Nonetheless, I said to my daughter, "I'm sorry honey...the store is closed...I mean PERMANENTLY closed."

At that moment, I was instantly I'm bombarded with "BAAAWAAAAHHHHHHH!  NOW I"M NEVER EVER GOING TO GET A FEATHER!"

I knew how devastated she was.  I felt so badly, but at the same time it wasn't my fault...I did my research...or so I thought.  So I started to console her and say, "It's okay, I'll stop by a couple of the other salons along the main road in town and see if anyone else does them and will take a walk-in."  And off I drove.

And then it hit me...A MOMENT OF PARENTAL CLARITY!  I am NOT going to run all over town looking for another place when that was not in the agenda for the day.  I had slated about 30 minutes for the feather endeavor...not God knows how long and a 1/2 a tank of gas.  So I said to my daughter very directly:  "I'm sorry, G.  I've decided that this is an important lesson is delaying your gratification (yes, I use these big terms with her).  It's important for you to learn that life doesn't always go as we plan, and this is one of those instances.  We didn't plan for the salon to be out of business, but it is and now we have to deal with it.  But we don't have to do it right this second.  I will go home and do some more online research (and make a phone call to make sure the place is actually open), and you can get your feather tomorrow." 

She cried for a few minutes, but recovered, knowing full well I would hold true to my word. 

She got her feather on Saturday...the very next day...just like I promised...from the same salon chain...only five miles further down the road!

It's hard as a parent to see our children be upset, and it's worse to suffer through their crying, however long it lasts.  But this was an important lesson for her.  Thank you, little white angel on my shoulder, for whispering in my ear that day!

Backpacking through the Years!

I love it when my personal and professional life crossover and I get some great information that are applicable to both.  Last weekend I was at a scrapbooking crop and I met a Close to My Heart sales consultant.  She taught an awesome project using 12 x12 file folders to keep track of your children's memorable school work (I'll show that in another post someday).  We started talking about preserving our children's work and she told me she had a closet full of their old backpacks that have all the "big projects" in them that don't fit into the file folder.

What a wonderful idea...save your child's backpack from each year and fill it with their best work.  Such nostalgic treasures they will have when they get older.

My daughter's backpack from preschool and jr. kindergarten is in the pile of donations to go to the church garage sale.  Thank goodness the donations aren't due until mid-October because that backpack is being picked from the pile.

Can't wait to start filling it full of memories...and continue to backpack through the next 13 years!

Airing My Dirty Laundry!

Laundry is probably one of my least favorite things to do...but I think my husband likes it less than I do.  I am blessed that he does his own, but I am the one that does mine, our daughter's, and all of the community laundry such as sheets, towels, and rugs.  Because of my health issues, this is an exhausting chore for me, so often times it will pile (and when I say pile I literally mean PILE) up in the laundry room in front of the dryer because I just don't feel like folding it.  Sometimes it sits for two weeks and each day my daughter (age 5) and I go digging through the pile for what to wear.  I am NOT proud of this...it is definitely one of my limitations. 

This past Sunday I took 2 hours to fold the mountain of laundry that had accumulated.  I placed it neatly into laundry baskets and my husband carried them to their appropriate destinations.  Of course, I didn't have the energy to put it away after spending 2 hours folding it.  So a basket of laundry sits on my daughter's floor in her room waiting to be put away.

Last night she was getting ready for bed and looking for some clean pajamas.  Of course she couldn't just open the drawer and get any old pair, she had to have this certain pair that was at the bottom of the neatly folded basket.  So out fly the neatly folded clothes...all over the floor.  I didn't yell at her, but I proceeded to comment on the disaster she created and told her she would clean it up tomorrow.  She could certainly sense my disdain, I'm sure. 

After I tucked her into bed, I walked downstairs into our bedroom...to the same sight...a pile of laundry all over the floor surrounding the laundry basket.  I remembered then that I was frantically looking for something to wear to church on Sunday...and it was at the bottom of my basket. 

Well, now I realize where she learned this nasty habit.  Kids are our mirrors, and so impressionable.  Our actions make their mark on them without us even realizing it.  As the old saying goes...The apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

What are your limitations? 

Love Happens

Love Happens (Aaron Eckhart, Jennifer Aniston, 2009) is a fabulous movie about resilience, release, recovery, and redemption.  Even though it focuses on grief recovery, anyone going through any kind of recovery should watch it.  I am going through health recovery and I still found it to be uplifting.  Thanks to my Counselor friend Santina Marshall for the recommendation.  If you are a counselor, you should certainly get a copy of this for your video therapy library!

Does anyone have any suggestions for other video therapy titles?

Design Changes!

I feel like I've finally moved into the 21st century!  I figured out how to link the site to my Facebook page, add a Like box, and a Twitter Follow Me button.  I also made some other simple cosmetic changes, but it seems a little more streamlined!  So excited about the new look!  What do you think?

Daily Strength: A Haiku

Daily Strength

A Haiku

It's about process...
Sharing in our transitions.
Learn, Guide, Support, Grow!

--Audra L. Snowden  2011

Transition Time...Again!

Well, it's been almost a year since I started my blog and it started off great.  But then this lung issue got the best of me and I've spent most of 2011 thus far recovering from two lung surgeries.  In that recovery time, I've had the opportunity to learn and experience multiple forms of healing arts such as soul collage, art journaling, and zentangling as well as engage in  wellness practices such as meditation and yoga.  Additionally, I have been blessed to have a strong support system throughout my recovery for whom I am forever grateful.  The increased emphasis on supporting me (the supportee) has been a learning experience for me, since traditionally I have always been the supporter.  After some thought about this issue, I have decided to shift the focus of my blog a bit.  Whereas I will still continue to write about supporting children and adolescents through life transitions because that is my area of expertise, I plan to add adults to the repertoire as well, as I am quickly learning about this through first-hand, real-life experience.  I feel it is important to educate people about transitioning through various stages of an entire life, since we really are constantly experiencing change and transition.  I hope you will continue to stay with me.  Thanks for your continued support!

Art Therapy in The Truest Sense!

Had two lung procedures since March 2nd...the latest was last Thursday...right robotic lung operation.  I have been zentangling to pass the time and pain.  Hoping others might find peace and solace in this Mixed Media Zentangle--napkin print and reverse decoupage with zentangle border.  Creative Journaling is therapeutic!  Titled "Breathe".  Hoping to use the summer for recovery and get back to posting more to SnowdenSupport in the near future.  Thanks for hanging in with me!

Praise for Mia Inspired!

     One of my absolute favorite parts of reading month is being a guest reader for young children.  When I was a middle school counselor and as well as a secondary school principal, I always volunteered to visit the elementary schools and guest read to various classes.  The children's awe and anticipation as they sit attentively, listen to a story, marvel over the illustrations, and eagerly await the outcome has always been so inspiring to me!  That feeling was no different today as I was a guest reader in my daughter's Junior Kindergarten class at the Goddard School.
     I was recently blessed with the opportunity to receive one of the first copies of Mia Inspired! A Caterpillar at a Crossroad, which is written and illustrated by Pam Brooks-Crump and just released last month, when she asked me to review it for her.  It was that book that I chose to read today, and I am so glad that I did.  The kids absolutely loved it and the teacher commented that [the author] "did such a nice job with the illustrations as well as the concepts in the story".
     Mia Inspired! is about a caterpillar named Mia who dreams of seeing the world.  As she thinks about the world around her, she begins the process of metamorphosis and finds herself trapped in her chrysalis and questioning what is happening to her. Through the process of self-talk, she assures herself that she is okay and her home in her chrysalis is a safe place.  When she awakens, she hears her "Inner Guide" speaking to her and encouraging her to go out and see the world, yet she continues to struggle with the fear within her.  Mia musters enough courage to ask her "Inner Guide" to lead the way, and soon she escapes her cocoon and discovers she is a beautiful Monarch butterfly.  Even though Mia is pleased with the personal change she has undergone, her doubts continue when she learns that she will have to travel on a 2,000 mile journey to Mexico.  However, her Monarch butterfly friends come to the rescue when they provide Mia with the encouragement she needs to make the journey.       

     Mia Inspired! is a parent, educator and counselor's dream!  It is a beautiful story containing numerous metaphors for important life themes such as rest, renewal, protection, and shared love as well as personal change, self-appraisal, encouragement, and the idea that there is always strength in numbers. Additionally, the "Inner Guide" can be interpreted in multiple ways: as one's self-talk, as a guardian angel guide on the side, or perhaps even God or the Holy Spirit leading the way.  It makes no difference whether one's spiritual beliefs are religious or secular, the concept the the "Inner Guide" works!  Finally, it is softly, yet beautifully illustrated.  Each illustration depicts a gentleness that is repeated in written form throughout the duration of the story.
     Although this story was thoroughly enjoyed by 4 and 5 year-olds, it is truly an inspiring story for people of all ages.  Every parent, teacher, school counselor, principal, and youth leader should have it one their shelves as it can be a catalyst for many of life's important discussions.  It is fast becoming one of my bibliotherapy favorites! Visit www.miainspired.com for a full teaching curriculum appropriate for ages 3-10, games for kids to play, bookmarks, as well as Joy Tools!, which is a monthly newsletter from the author.
     Be Inspired!  May your Inner Guide lead you in the direction of your dreams!           
 
  

A Dose of Dr. Seuss!

Of all days, I ended up having a lung biopsy scheduled for today...Read Across America Day and Dr. Seuss's Birthday.  Karmanos called late Monday and said...it's Wednesday (I do get treated at a cancer hospital, but I should mention that, thankfully, I do not have cancer...just for the record).  Talk about no time to prepare.  So the Suess hats I talked about in my previous post obviously got nixed.  Maybe tomorrow if I'm feeling up to it.  I did, however,  manage to whip up some Green Eggs and Ham and toast with green butter for dinner.  And of course, we read the book Green Eggs and Ham.

The recipe for the Green Eggs and Ham is my own, and I'm happy to share.

non-stick cooking spray
Queso Blanco (shredded)--available at Costco...if you can't find it, I'm sure mozzarella would work well, too.
1 pkg. sliced Canadian bacon (cut up into small squares)
6 eggs
1/2 cup or so of milk (I don't measure when I cook)
Kelly or Leaf Green food coloring (I use Wilton brand that you would use to color cake frosting---less chemical preservatives, no funny taste, and believe it or not, it does not stain)
Sea Salt and fresh ground pepper to taste

Heat pan on medium and spray pan with non-stick cooking spray.  Add cheese and bacon. Stir frequently to brown.  In a separate bowl, combine eggs, milk, food coloring, and salt and pepper.  Whip with a wire whisk until well-mixed.  Add egg mixture to the cheese and bacon.  Stir frequently until eggs are cooked.  Serve immediately.  Makes 4 to 6 servings. 

For the toast and green butter, just add food coloring to your favorite butter or margarine, mix well, and spread on your toast.

My daughter loves them!  Hope that you enjoy them, too!

We are what we read...or so it seems

     March is Reading Month!  In preparation for it, I've had reading on my mind for quite some time, especially since my 4 year old (who will be 5 in mid-March) is an emerging reader who is now reading Bob books books on her own.  Because of her recent transition into the literate world, (yes, this momma is so proud) Reading Month at our house has got to be BIG!  As a kickoff I've been planning what to do for Dr. Seuss's Birthday, which is Wednesday, March 2nd, and I have decided that I will make Green Eggs and Ham for dinner and we will model our new Seuss hats that we will make as an afternoon craft project.  So excited!     
     As an educator, I know that one of the basic tenets of literacy development is that we need to model it for our children, so my own reading habits have come to the forefront of my mind as of late.  Or should I say my lack of reading habits?  Due to my ongoing illness for the past two years, it has been very difficult for me to read for various reasons...lack of oxygen to the brain, fatigue, and dizziness to name of few.  In fact, up until last week, I hadn't read more than various magazine articles in two years.  This has been hard to swallow for someone with two Master's Degrees.  However, I am proud to say that I have now completed my first book since the onset of my illness:  When God Winks:  How the Power of Coincidence Guides Your Life by Squire Rushnell.
     This accomplishment goes to the credit of my own ambition to be a positive role model for my daughter, the completion of two courses of cognitive retraining therapy with a speech pathologist, and my friend Kim S. who is an inspiration to me by her love and knowledge of books and who introduced me to the website Goodreads.com.
     Goodreads is a wonderful website and community that allows you to track books that you own, have read, are currently reading, wish to read, and any other label you wish to give them.  Some of my labels are bibliotherapy (of course, I am a counselor), professional, favorite from my own childhood, shared with my students, and shared with my daughter--just to name a few.  Additionally, the site allows you to rate and review books, connect with friends, follow people, join online book clubs, swap books, download ebooks (many of which are FREE---wahoo!), enter contests to win books (I won Miles from Ordinary) interact with authors, get advice on reading and writing, post writings, and ask general questions about any book related topic you can possibly fathom.  I have not seen a more comprehensive book website out there.
     One of my most favorite features of the website is the ability to track the progress of books that you are currently reading and make notes to yourself (or to your status should you choose to post to it).  These are two very important tools for someone like me who needs all the help she can get to get the book read.  On the progress tracker, you enter the page you are currently on and it transforms that to a percentage of the book completed and displays it as a bar graph.  For example, I am on page 34 of the book I am currently reading out of 168, so it displays a bar graph that is 20% complete.  This is MOTIVATION for me when I see this everyday on my profile page.  Twenty percent is one-fifth of the book...it's not just 34 pages...it's ONE-FIFTH.  Only four-fifths to go.  Sounds so much better that way, doesn't it?  Not only is it motivation, it's a REMINDER...it screams out to me...hey, don't put me down for long...remember, you're reading me!!!   DON'T ABANDON ME!  Additionally, I use the notes section to record little reminders like "remember to look up the website that was referenced" or to simply summarize the last thing I read so I can easily pick up where I left off (this was an important cognitive strategy presented to me in therapy). 
     I have only been using Goodreads.com for a little over two weeks, but I have loaded and sorted 228 books on my virtual shelves...and I'm still loading.  As I reflect on my books that are there, I've come to the realization that just like we are what we eat, we are what we read, too...or so it seems.  Remember, I am a parent, counselor, and educator by profession.  On my shelves I have 67 books I've shared with my daughter, 44 books I've shared with my students, 19 in the bibliotherapy category, 15 professional books, 14 spiritual books, and 9 parenting books.  The rest fit into miscellaneous categories not really worthy of mention here, but I think my point is clear...the majority of books I have read define me as a parent, counselor, and educator...which is exactly what I am!  I don't know why, but this revelation brought me a great sense of peace...to realize that I'm still on track.  Yeah, there was a two-year layover, or derailment perhaps, but the wheels are turning and the train is once again on the move!
     Wherever you are on your literacy journey, I encourage you to check out Goodreads.com and start using it, whether you use it to track your own reading progress or to track your children's reading progress.  Try it as a March is Reading Month project and then decide for yourself whether it's useful.  Chances are that you will find that it is.
     Recall that I said that my first recent book that I finished was about the power of coincidence working in your life.  My friend Kim S., my book-lover friend whom I also mentioned above, let me borrow that book.  God has winked!  I don't think it was a coincidence at all.  And perhaps its more than coincidence that you're reading this blog!

Happy reading...and I hope to see you on Goodreads.  Look me up at www.goodreads.com/snowdensupport 


   

Anti-Bullying week Cyber Bullying video

It's More Than A Game, It's Their Life!

     They called it Snowmageddon, Snowpocalypse, Storm of the Century, and other names.  Regardless, the Blizzard of 2011 hit the history books as one of the largest on record due to its size.  It encompassed twenty-some states and affected up to one-third of the US population.  In Michigan where I am from, some five-hundred school districts and independent schools were closed and some were closed for multiple days.  That's a lot of kids cooped up at home looking for something to pass the time, and roads were so bad that it was dangerous to travel anywhere--even to go sledding or skiing, which are typical snow day activities around here.  With the inability to get out somewhere, it is likely that too many kids turned to the Internet or video games for entertainment.

     I probably could turn the other cheek if our youth engaged in an occasional online indulgence on a snow day or vacation day from school, but that is simply not the case.  In the latest tallies, Facebook reports that it has over 500 million active users, many of whom are teens and tweens, who log more than 700 billion minutes per month in their accounts.  Additionally, according to Insafe, online gamers spend an average of 8 hours per week playing online.  

      All of this time that our youth are spending "connected" is having adverse affects on them.  First, teens today sleep an average of two to three hours less than their counterparts did ten years ago.  Second,

the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry (AACAP) cautions that spending large amounts of time playing video games can create problems such as:

•   Poor social skills
•   Time away from family, school-work, and other hobbies
•   Lower grades and reading less
•   Lack of exercise and obesity 

Finally, the AACAP also warns that exposure to violent video games such as World of Warcraft, which is played by over 13 million registered players and up to 250,000 players simultaneously, can increase aggressive feelings and thoughts in children and adolescents.
      Playing in "virtual reality" is not a pastime that is going away anytime soon. Sales transactions in virtual worlds of virtual goods were estimated at $18 billion in 2009.  Additionally, in 2008, Massively Multiplayer Online Role-Play Games (MMORPGs) generated worldwide subscription revenues of $1.5 billion, and have been forecast to reach $2.5 billion by 2012.

      In recognition of these statistics, Safer Internet Day is celebrated around the world each year on the second day of the second week of the second month of the year – which this year is today --Tuesday, February 8, 2011. In observation of the 8th Annual Safer Internet Day, hundreds of events have been organized for today and throughout the month of February to heighten awareness around online safety issues.  The goal is to promote safe and responsible use of online technology and mobile phones, especially amongst children and young people across the world.  The topic for 2011 is "our virtual lives" around the slogan " It's more than a game, it's your life".

      The topic 'virtual lives' encompasses online gaming – from simple games such as those on Pogo to MMORPGs – and social networking, which are the two online activities that are most popular with youth.  Kids need to understand how their real selves live through virtual experiences. In MMORPGs such as World of Warcraft, which is the world's largest MMORPG, or Second Life, which had 18 million registered users in January 2010, players are fully immersed in a world of fantasy and are totally able to escape into the game because they hide their real selves behind avatars.  In social networks such as Facebook or MySpace there is a fine and often unclear line between virtual and real.  It is important for youth to understand that using a pseudonym does not shield them from exposure to real life behaviors such as bullying, rejection, or peer conflicts.  Additionally, they need to develop a full understanding of how actions in their virtual life can impact their real life, meaning that the real self can be and often is easily and persistently misrepresented.  When working as a middle school and high school counselor, it was a daily event for me to help at least one group of students sort out and cope with cyberbullying issues or peer conflicts that stemmed from misrepresentations and/or misinterpretations on MySpace. 
      Educators and parents can easily take part in Safer Internet Day by engaging children in conversation regarding the risks associated with having an online identity.  Additionally, parents can help their children by setting boundaries around their Internet and gaming usage including time limits and parental supervision, privilege only after all homework is done, and placing encouragement and emphasis on engaging in extracurricular activities such as sports, music, artistic endeavors, or religious or community service groups.   
     If there is continued concern about the child's preoccupation or obsession with aggressive or violent video games or spending excessive amounts of time online, a consultation with a qualified mental health professional may be helpful. Log on to the AACAP website for more tips on how parents can avoid the problems associated with excessive video gaming.

Remember, it's more than a game...Help them to win at LIFE!

  

27 Ways to Praise your Child

It's the 27th of the month...so here's 27 ways to praise your child:

Wow · Way to go · Super · You’re special · Outstanding · Excellent · Great  · Well done · I knew you could do it · I’m proud of you · Fantastic  · Nice Work · Looking Good · You’re on top of it · You’re catching on ·

Now you’ve got it · You’re incredible · Bravo · Good for you · You’re important · You’re a real trooper  ·  You’re responsible · What an imagination · You’re a good listener · You’re growing up · I trust you · Love you  

Each positive statement makes a deposit into your child's healthy self-esteem account.           

The red pillow, the broken frame, and a dose of Love and Logic!

My daughter is quite the performance artist.  The world is her stage and if someone will watch she will show you her gymnastics, dance, juggling, magic...you name it.  Her "word" for magic is "abracasneaky".  Quite the creative spirit the little one has.  The other day she was up to one of her "performances" for daddy.  I was in the other room so I didn't see it but I heard the sound of something come crashing down, the thud of it hitting the floor, and the shattering shrill of broken glass...and then...silence.  I thought for sure someone was injured.  I ran in from the other room to check out the situation and found that daddy was still sitting in the easy chair with a disgusted look on his face and my daughter was staring at me in fright.  Well, no one must be injured if he's still in the chair, I thought.  As I surveyed the damage I saw that two picture frames had fallen off the entertainment center...one was just nicked and the other was split in half at the corners, and ironically, none of the glass had broken.  It sure did sound like it.  Anyway, as I was trying to figure out what caused this debacle, I spotted the culprit.  A pretty red decorative pillow that always sits so eloquently in the antique rocking chair in the corner of the room was laying front and center on the floor just off to the side of the broken mess.  So as my mind tried to recreate the series of events, I imagined that she must have been juggling with the pillow and it veered a little of course, causing the aforementioned disaster.  She looked at me teary eyed and wailed, "I'm sorry!" You have to imagine that this all happened in a matter of like ten seconds, but I soon figured out that it was nothing to sweat about because no one was injured and the broken frame could be easily fixed.  Seriously, I think she was WAY more upset about it than I was.

What if this scenario had happened 30 or 40 years ago to you or me?  I tell you, depending on my age at the time I would have been spanked or grounded or maybe both, and I definitely would have been yelled at.  My response to my daughter:  I just spoke very calmly and matter of factly.  'Oh bummer...at least nobody got hurt and the frame can be fixed or replaced.", I said.  I didn't dote over the fact that she was crying or coddle her, nor did I raise my voice a single decibel.  I continued, "I accept your apology, I'm glad you're sorry...now what did you learn from this?"  "D-d-d-don-n-n't th-th-row the the pillow, she cried."  "Good," I said, "now I trust that this won't happen again.  Oh, and one more thing...would you like to fix or replace the broken frame?"  Boy, did that one throw her for a loop. 


Now I'm not trying to toot my horn about being the most patient parent in the world or anything, although I can attest that teaching science to seventh graders sure does teach one patience pretty quickly.  My point in telling this story is to give an example of what Jim Fay and Dr. Charles Fay would call Parenting with Love and Logic.  They suggest that there are two rules that parents need to follow when disciplining their children:  First, we need to set limits in loving ways.  This includes eliminating frustration and anger from our actions, putting an end to empty threats , setting limits one time, using enforceable statements, and allowing children to have a "healthy sense of control."  Second, we need to turn misbehavior and mistakes into opportunities for learning.  When I was teaching, we always called these teachable moments.  Fay and Fay suggest that this starts with giving your children a hearty measure of empathy before they receive their consequence, use logical consequences instead of punishment, and leading your children to solve their own problems.  

In the example above, the first rule is illustrated by maintaining a calm demeanor as well as allowing her the choice of trying to fix or replace the frame.  Either way, the frame will be returned to a condition that is acceptable to me and she feels empowered because she gets the choice of whether she wants to try and glue it back together or fork over some of her life savings from her piggy bank to buy a new one.  The second rule is shown when I used empathy in the statements "oh bummer", "I accept your apology", and "I trust that this won't happen again."  Additionally, I did not ground her, put her in time out, send her to her room, or take away any toys.  I gave her the choice of fixing the frame or paying for a new one, which is a logical consequence of breaking the frame to begin with.  What good does it serve to ground her or put her in time out?  She would just become angry and resentful and the frame would still be broken.  Nobody wins.  That's why logical consequences are such a great form of discipline...because as a parent you get what you want and the child learns from his or her actions through problem solving.  

She ultimately chose to try and fix the frame and since she is only four years old, this is an exercise we did together.  It doesn't really matter that I helped her...the lesson is in her knowing that she is going to be held accountable for her actions.  

I'm quite positive the red pillow hasn't moved from the rocking chair since!!!      

Young Adolescents Need Their Own Set of Rules

Just when you assumed that you have fostered a cheerful, well-balanced, and cooperative child, all of a sudden she becomes ornery, awkward, or confrontational.  Congratulations!   You are the parent of a totally typical young adolescent.  Nurturing an adolescent will certainly not be effortless and uncomplicated.  There will be lots of adjustments, struggles, and contradictions along the way.  One moment you will see an immature child performing juvenile acts and the next an emerging adult making important life decisions.  However, your young adolescent is neither.  She is a distinctive individual who requires a completely unique set of privileges and rules. 

Here are some tips  to overcome the challenges that await: 

• Look your child in the eye and tell her often that you love her. 
• Build a network of other parents (neighbors or classmates' parents) who are raising young adolescents.  Exchange phone numbers or email and communicate with them often, including visiting their homes and vice versa.  You want your child to know that you and other parents are in cahoots with each other.   
• Listen to your child and observe him communicate with others.  You will learn more by listening than if you had asked him 20 questions.
• Share your values and expectations with your child, but do not preach.  That will put her on the defensive.
• Establish rules and procedures for the 5 or 6 most critical areas of your child’s life.  Set reasonable and logical consequences that you and your child agree to in advance.  Love and Logic can help you with this. 
• Define early and plainly those non-debatable issues such as curfews, going to unsupervised parties, or engaging in dangerous behaviors. 
• Accept that not all of your child’s problems are your problems—fights with their friends are their battles.  It is important for them to learn to solve problems on their own.  Through this they will learn resilience and conflict resolution.   
• Do your best to remain calm and not blow up at your child; ALWAYS apologize if you do--that's modeling good behavior that we expect from them. 
• Respect your child’s need for privacy.  Don't hover, but rather be a guide on the side. 
• Allow your child to make decisions and mistakes—about clothing, friends, or extracurricular activities.  When they make decisions, it helps them to feel empowered.  Additionally, it is better for them to make mistakes regarding little things now and learn to recover than have something huge happen when they are a young adult and not have the coping mechanisms to deal with it.  
• Laugh with and enjoy your child.  It's a great stress reliever for the whole family.    
• Never, ever, give up.  It might not feel like it but your child needs you now more than ever.

Bear in mind that today’s highlights and achievements—as well as mistakes and blunders—are influencing and shaping tomorrow’s leaders!  Best of Luck!

Healthy Resolutions!

As you end the story of another year and turn the page to a new one, you most likely have thought about a New Year’s Resolution.  You might start to reflect on the past, consider what worked and what did not, and commit to making changes for the future.  This is actually a very healthy activity to do with your child as well, because it reinforces the idea of goal-setting that is emphasized so much at school.  As you discuss what changes your child may wish to make, you might focus on school, home, or recreation.  No matter what the focus of the resolution, the important thing is that it represents healthy, positive behaviors. 

The American Academy of Pediatrics has recommended several healthy resolutions for kids and teens that include the following ideas for you to consider:

·         Finding a sport or recreation activity in which to stay physically active

·         Wearing protective gear when cycling, rollerblading, skateboarding, etc.

·         Wearing the seatbelt in the car

·         Eating one fruit and one vegetable a day

·         Limiting intake of soda pop

·         Choosing non-violent television, movies, and video games

·         Wiping out negative self-talk (I can’t do it) from vocabulary

·         Using anger management/conflict resolution strategies

·         Doing something leisurely to reduce stress

·         Making smart choices about friends

·         Resisting peer pressure

·         Cleaning up after self

·         Completing and turning in homework

Whatever resolution you and your child select, remember the importance of focusing on constructive behaviors.  Good luck! 

Blog Update!

Well, it's been awhile since I've put anything out there...it was a rough fall with illness and going through a steroid wean.  Reducing the levels of steroids in my body is a good thing, but it's very rough in the adjustment phase.  Right now I'm on a plateau, which is as good as I can ask for.  With the new year among us, I am vowing to support my followers and fellow parents and colleagues, even if the articles haven't been written by me.  There's a lot of great information...it just needs to be shared, and I will be an avenue to do just that!  You can follow my Facebook Page at School Counselor Connection or follow me on Twitter at SnowdenSupport.  With the help of HootSuite as a dashboard, I have been learning the language and etiquette of Twitter so that I can share some of the great sites and articles that are out there.  And of course, I'll do my best to share some of my own, too.  Thanks for sticking with me!  Ciao!